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Amy Waterman has been helping couples stop the downward spiral with "Save My Marriage Today" since 2003. Women and men, young and not so young, have learned how to regain control and turn their relationship problems around, even when the situation seemed hopeless. Discover the strategies to regain the loving and fulfilling marriage you know you deserve.
Save Marriage Tips
Many people are searching for effective save marriage tips. We here at Fix Relationship Reports strive to provide you with marriage saving tips, along with our relationship tips when we can find them. We did recently come across the following article which addresses a few save marriage tips that you may find helpful.
Tips on How to Save Your Marriage
By Leslie Cane
I often write about preventing divorce, so I believe wholeheartedly that it's never too late, never too hard, and it should be never too inconvenient to rescue your marriage. I suppose that I am pretty outspoken about my insistence that almost any marriage can be saved (except for cases of abuse) so I am often asked for my "best tips to save a marriage." Although every couple's situation is going to be different, there are some universal things that absolutely do work when you are trying to keep your marriage from ending. Below, I will list what are my best marriage saving tips that really do work (and usually pretty quickly) when done correctly.
Validate, Validate, And Then Validate Some More: I know that I sound like a broken record, but this is so important. Even if you think your spouse is wrong, being selfish, whining, or is putting your marriage problems way out of perspective, you should never harp on the fact that you think this. Why? Because, if you do, then you are immediately on opposing sides where the outcome mandates that there is a winner and a loser. Do you know any one who likes to lose an argument or be deemed a loser? Of course, not. Everyone wants to feel that their concerns are genuine, deserved, and absolutely valid. And, when you married your spouse, you promised to value their happiness.
So many people make the mistake of either flat out telling their spouse that they are wrong in arguments, trying to show a flaw with their spouse's reasoning, trying to guilt their spouse out of arguing, passive / aggressively punishing their spouse for bringing it up, or trying to strong arm their spouse into dropping something that is really important to them. But, what are you really saying to your spouse when you do this? You're telling them that their feelings don't really matter to you as much as yours. You're telling them that you're not willing to work with them unless it happens in your way and on your terms. You're not listening, really - and they know it.
After a while, they stop listening to you because they subconsciously know that nothing is going to change. Not really. And, he or she doesn't want to live like this day after day and year after year. Everyone deserves to be happy. Your job is to show your spouse that you have his back and that you are on board to ensuring that you are both happy.
So, if your spouse brings up his concerns or even if a fight ensues, don't roll your eyes, dismiss them, or start telling them why they sound ridiculous. Instead, make eye contact, take them by the hand, and ask them to tell you what's bothering them. And, then, really listen.
Always Remember What Every One (Deep Down) Really Wants In A Marriage: I understand that martial problems are often really complex with multiple issues compounded by our fast paced, stressful society. But, in truth, many many marital problems boil down to very simple things. Deep down, every human being wants the same things (especially in their marriages.)
We all want to be loved. We all want attention. We all want affection to reassure us that we are desirable. We all want to feel appreciated. And, we all want to feel understood.
Always keep these things in mind when you deal with your spouse. Sometimes the combative, frustrated, pacing man standing in front of you is really a scared little boy showing insecurities and scars from long ago who DESPERATELY wants his wife to understand and love him at this very moment. But, instead, she's looking at him like he's yet one more problem with which she has to deal. In essence, sometimes with our actions and our indifference we are telling our spouse to "take a number" behind all of our other responsibilities. Is this the message you really want to send?
Stop Keeping Score. This Is Not A Game: So often, when I encourage people to put themselves in their spouse's shoes, and to remember that their spouse wants the same things that they want, they resist. They say something like "Well, he isn't nice to me. He doesn't consider my feelings. He isn't sitting around wondering how to make my life better, why should I do this for him?"
What I typically say then is something like, "So, this score keeping, how is working for you right now? Is it making you feel better in your marriage? Does that inability to compromise keep you warm at night?" They may initially be offended or think that I am wrong, but once they take a moment and really think about it, they will typically come around. I don't say this to hurt or offend anyone. I am trying to show that, although we all do this, our thinking is very flawed.
Don't hold so tightly to being right that you're letting go what is really important. OK, so maybe you have to give a little more than you take at first when saving your marriage. Maybe you have to make the first move and show a little kindness and be willing to be the one who makes the first set of changes. So what?
If your husband or wife sees that you are making an effort and are making every attempt to understand, listen to, or appreciate them, they are going to start being a lot nicer to be around. You will then return the favor. And, when this happens, the atmosphere of the marriage is going to change. And, then, you are GREATLY going to benefit.
Let me ask you this. When you were first dating and falling in love, did you ever keep score? No, I'll bet you didn't. You probably couldn't do enough for each other and how did you feel then? Very happy, right? I know that you want to feel this way again. If you didn't, you wouldn't have found this article. Accept that both you and your spouse want the same things. You have provided this for them before and you can do it again. You just need to remember what brought you together in the first place and rebuild from that place. Approach saving your marriage from a place of love, understanding, and team work - even if you have to be the one to make the first move. Because in the end, you both win.
I really wish I had known these tips when I was trying to save my own marriage. I made many mistakes that almost cost me my husband. Luckily, I was able to drastically change my thinking and my actions. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com/
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Leslie_Cane
http://EzineArticles.com/?Tips-on-How-to-Save-Your-Marriage&id=1596462
The save marriage tips Leslie talks about in the preceding article show that you probably do have some control over the direction your marriage takes, if you can step back and take the time to look at things clearly. Whether the particular save marriage tips offered here apply to your particular situation is something only you can determine, but in my experience the advice she offers can be applied to many kinds of troubled relationship situations.
